A Slow Life
I need a simpler life, a slower life. At this point it is vital to my survival. Right now my life has hit a point where it is sink or swim. I know I will be in this spot again. Life has a funny way of making us learn the same lessons over and over. At this point it is either grow and grow so much that I can’t see where I’m currently standing or fade away until I do not exist. This is not a choice, I simply have to. I can’t not live a life without living. I refuse to. I want to seek joy in every way possible.
This past year I have pushed myself to and passed my limits. Don't get me wrong, I have grown in ways I never thought were possible and I am by no means an advocate for staying in your comfort zone, but guys I am tired. Really f*cking tired. I am constantly running (sometimes figuratively other times literally running) I have to go to work, to class, to tutoring, back to work to go home to cook, clean and do homework. Some days I do so much that I feel like I have done nothing at all because I do not remember it. The most important thing I have learned this year is that this is not the way I want to live my life.
This epiphany hit me really hard last Spring. I was sitting in my second class on Thursdays. There was a chance of snow the following week. My professor said she hoped it didn’t snow because she had too much to do. I saw myself going down that path where I had “too much to do” and it hit me in the face, I never want to be so busy and have so much to do that I do not want it to snow. Snow days are some of my favorite days, snuggling up watching countless movies, playing outside with Maci, walking until I can’t feel my toes anymore, drinking so much hot chocolate my stomach hurts. Snow days are slow.
It was then that I decided that was what I wanted, what I needed was a slow, simple life. I can’t quite my job or drop out of school, although that would certainly make this slow living thing much easier. But I can slow my life. I can let go of responsibilities that are not essential. I can breathe and enjoy my coffee. So here is to a slow life, to walking not running, to watching my plants grow, and to reading more books.